Experience

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  SpaceX

  • Mushroom Engineer

    • Jun 2017 - Present

    -Work to improve the already impressive design that is the Mushroom-They are a delicacy in Myanmar -Helped sneak over 2.3 lbs of mushrooms onto a rocket in 2019-Eat them

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  Apple

  • Australia

  • Number Cruncher

    • Aug 2014 - Aug 2016
    • Australia

    -crunched the numbers

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  YMCA of the USA (National Resource Office)

  • Scum Bag

    • Aug 2011 - Jun 2015

    -Yelled at kids-Told many parents they weren’t doing a very good job-Pissed in the pool -Shit in the pool on “accident”-Cut kids in line for the water slide-Bullied life guards-Never received validation as a child-Told numerous kids they’d “never leave this place”

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  Self-employed

  • Pincher

    • Jul 1997 - Jul 2010

    Spalding’s the name, pinching’s the game. I was ranked #57 in the SDPL (South Dakota Pinching League) I’ve pinched several D list celebrities (some debated as C list) including but not limited to: Tom Hank’s stunt double from Forrest Gump, the third string goalie for the Arkansas Riverblades, and Bradley Cooper’s late grandfather.

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  Costco Wholesale

  • Rabbit Salesman

    • Feb 1994 - Jun 1997

    -Sold over 1.3 thousand units-They used to sell rabbits in the 90s -I quit because they stopped selling rabbits

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  New York Yankees

  • New York City Metropolitan Area

  • Outfielder

    • Mar 1982 - May 1984
    • New York City Metropolitan Area

    -I pretended to be a yankee-For two years -Helped the team finish 2nd in division (they would’ve finished 1st without me)-Was 23 years old give me a break-Banned for life